Humility

I will pick back up on family, genetics, and overcoming familial sins in a few days. Today, I want to talk about humility. This is not something that comes naturally to a person, and it's even more unnatural for it to come easily for someone such as myself.

There are many people who are never or seldom honored. Some of these people are deserving of honor but simply never receive it. I can honestly say I don't know how that feels. I've been honored throughout my whole life. Sure, I've had my share of dishonor (usually it's been deserved, though), and I've had a lot of rough spots in life. But, overall I think I've had things go well for me, and I've been honored by many.

I've been put on a pedestal (exalted) by others all my life. I'm certainly not complaining, but I've realized more and more as of late that this is a potential obstacle to deep humility. It's not an impossibility. It just makes it more difficult. When a person has been praised all his or her days for things in many facets of life, it's very easy to become proud and self-exalting. I've hated this in other people, but it's not been until recently that I've dropped my head in deep shame, because I've seen it in myself. To borrow the apostle Paul words, "O[h], wretched [woman] that I am!" (Rom. 7:24a)

The grief I feel over this is tremendous. I do not want to be this way.

God only deserves the exaltation and praise. He deserves ALL the thanks, because I am nothing alone. And without His Spirit, I would be destined to be ashes, forgotten forever. Everything that I am has been given by God's grace. And He's given me much. We've all heard the phrase "count your blessings," but I feel that I cannot count mine, because they are too numerous to be specified.

Two months ago, I said to a dear brother of mine, "I'm in a very humble position right now, b/c honestly, I could have done nearly anything I wanted, and it's very difficult, sometimes, not to get a big head about it. " (Speaking of being a mother in a society of career moms, and I gave that up, even though I had all my college paid with scholarships.)

He said, "Oh, I know the Lord has blessed you with many talents."

And right now, I am in shock, because I had to go hunt down that email to find the quotes, and I continued reading, and I do not remember reading before what came after that. I must have accidentally gone over it. Maybe I just didn't read it carefully. Whatever the case may be, it's no coincidence that I was led to write this and had to look that up again.

I have meditated on what I'd said for the last two months, and at some point after writing what I did, it dawned on me:

*I have been blessed to have the many opportunities I have been given in my life, because I have learned and experienced from them, and I can use these things to teach others and bring them to the truth.

*I can still do most everything I could have done professionally with a degree to further worldly affairs, except I won't be given money for my labors and will not get worldly praise. Instead, though, I can use my abilities and do what I like to do to educate others and to further God's Kingdom and to bless and help others. When I realized this, I was elated. I'd rather use my abilities for God's Kingdom and for fellow humankind in this way. This was almost a total cure. And after reading now what, for some unknown reason, I didn't read two months ago that my brother wrote, this is confirmed for me.

I don't deserve anything I've been given any more than the next fellow. God is the potter, and we are the clay. I don't have any reason to be proud or self-exalting. It sickens me that I've seen this in others and not in myself. For anyone reading this who has seen any sinful pride in me, please forgive me of the poison I gave off.

The more we are given and the more with which we are blessed, the more is expected of us, and the more humble we should be (Matt. 24:45-51; 14-30; Luke 12:42-48).

But he that knew not, and did commit thins worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few stripes. For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more (Luke 12:48).

Of the numerous times I've read over those scriptures, it's not sunk in as deeply as it has over the past several weeks. It has spoken deeply to ME. And now I deeply repent and correct myself.

Behold, I am vile; what shall I answer thee? I will lay mine hand upon my mouth...Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes (Job 41:4; 42:6).

My job today is to find someone to honor in some way who deserves to be but probably has not been. I want to bring joy to someone's life today in this way. My Father, please reveal to me whom I should honor today.

Edited to add: And yes, I know mothering is not a humbling job in the sense of the real dictionary definition. It's the most important job as a woman, and I have said so myself before, but from the world's view and the pressure felt by the world, it is humbling. Mothers who choose to rear their children themselves are made to feel low, even though it should be the opposite. I was corrected on this point in the aforementioned email, but I didn't mean that I myself think it is a low job to have. ;-) I know better, because I live it every day. So, all you fellow mothers know what I mean.