Bearing Another's Burdens

This year has been an especially difficult year for me.  Currently I'm suffering from depression, which seems more like bipolar depression, as I will have days of strong faith and hope with great happiness and thankfulness, only to be followed up with days of great despair, grief, sorrow, weakness, and complaint.

I'm in late pregnancy, and I've battled out-of-whack pregnancy hormones for many months now.  I'm dealing physically with a slower, unbalanced, uncomfortable body as I'm in my last few weeks.  My children--boys almost 8.5 years, 4.5 years, and girl--2 years--whom I home educate, are all very active.  It's difficult to keep up with the two-year-old.  It makes me thankful for my 8 year old, when he's cooperating well with me.

My living conditions have been abnormal for a month now, as we found out we had a leak from our washing machine that went undetected for an unknown length of time, therefore we had extensive water and mold damage, which made our master bathroom, laundry room, kitchen, and master bedroom closet unusable.  I just gained access to my laundry room and its facilities again and partial use of my kitchen and hope everything else is finished soon. 

My diet hasn't been what it normally is, due to the living arrangements...lots of sandwiches and cold cereal, as well as fruit but not very many vegetables.  My sleeping arrangements also had to change, because everything from our closet and some things from elsewhere were piled on and around our bed.  The things are back in the closet, and today I'll be able to wash our bedding and be able to sleep in my own bed again.  I had to do laundry at the laundromat twenty minutes away for the last few weeks. 

My husband lost his biggest client which probably accounted for a third of his work load, if not more than that at certain times of the year.  He's now even talking about doing something entirely different and even relocating, the latter which I do not want to do right now, especially where he is considering...North Dakota.  He's well-loved among his clientele, though, and I think his work load will increase again.  I even think he's better off without the client he basically lost, and I honestly think they'll soon be regretting it.  I see it as a blessing that he's not covered up in work right now, because it frees him up to work on the house to get it done the way he wants and to go deer hunting, which is important to him for mental health and physical exercise, and it usually provides us with good meat.

I had extreme difficulties for the longest time with my middle child, which thankfully are now much better, but it was taking an extreme toll on me.  He exhibited strong childhood bipolar symptoms that caused many serious problems.  We discovered four food allergies that he has, found some supplements that helped him, and have found other ways to help him. 

We were not planning any more children, so it was a shock to find that I was pregnant.  I've long ago accepted it now and look forward to the baby, but it has not been easy.  The baby, until recently, preferred a breech position, and I'm still not certain that it won't turn that way yet again.  We've debated with each other and with ourselves whether to birth unassisted or with a midwife this time.  Due to everything else, it's difficult to think of giving up so much of our money (we're living on mostly savings right now) for midwife services when it's likely unnecessary.  Plus, it's nice to not have anyone else around.  On the other hand, it would be nice to relax knowing there's help if something goes wrong, and if the baby ends up being breech for the birth, I am not comfortable being alone (obviously I would do my best if I ended up that way).

Then we have a custody/child support/adoption ordeal hanging over our heads.  Long story short, my husband has a biological daughter nearly thirteen now.  The last time we saw her was when she was eight.  She was then living with her mother, stepfather, and four of her five half-siblings.  The parents were methamphetamine users (suspected by us but not known for certain), the stepfather was lazy and seemingly content with unemployment and strike benefits for over half a year (before we lost contact with them), and the mother neglected good housekeeping and optimum hygiene care for her children.  They kept moving and having their phone disconnected.  My husband voluntarily bought his daughter's clothes and other things, and she came to stay with us and seemed very happy when she was with us, except she got upset and went home early the last time, saying she missed her mother.  The mother refused to sign an acknowledgment of paternity form with my husband, though.

We lost contact with them and couldn't figure out a new address, much less a phone number of any sort.  Then a year and half later my husband got a call from the State to be notified that his daughter had been taken into state custody and placed in foster care, because the parents were using meth and neglecting the care of house and children.  My husband tried talking them into establishing paternity, and they refused...until a few months later when they turned around and demanded it of him (when he wants it, they don't care, but when they want it, it's a "Do this or else" mentality).  They had refused him any visitation or custody.  Paternity was then established, though, but then he was never notified of anything else.  We were led to believe she was put back in custody with her mother (it was told that she could be returned if the mother turned her ways around).  We still couldn't find her.  Fast forward another two years from the time he was contacted by the State when she was taken into their custody--to the beginning of this year--and my husband received papers demanding child support from a woman we don't know.  She had the same last name of his daughter's stepfather.  It was clear on the papers that her mother had remarried, though.  We eventually discovered that she is in the custody of the stepfather's parents, which are four of her siblings' biological grandparents.  This was infuriating and frustrating, because my husband was never notified of any custody hearing, and he should have been given preference for custody. 

We found the address, and we sent correspondence to both the woman and to my husband's daughter.  We sent her gifts, too, to make up for lost time.  She rejected many of the gifts, and they were sent back, and she said she was happy where she was and didn't want to have anything to do with him again.  :-(  She said she wanted their last name.  The woman, however, kept a gift of lotion for herself and thanked us for it and said that she looked forward to getting more once the "extra cash came in."  She's made it more than clear that she is just wanting some free money.  Oh, yes, we also sent one check of $300 for use on his daughter, but then the woman told us the child support office told her not to accept any more money.  We wanted immediate visitation, but it's clear she wants to be adopted, and since she's in a much better environment than before, my husband told his attorney that he'd agree to sign adoption papers (with the understanding that she's still welcome in our home any time in the future, if she changes her mind about having a relationship with us, including her other half siblings in our home) and would even pay the adoption fees if the case for retroactive support was dropped.  The woman said they would be interested in adopting her, but of course she still wants the retroactive money!  It's just amazing...we didn't get visitation, no chance for getting custody, nothing, and the woman wants to adopt her, yet somehow she still expects money, even though his daughter said she didn't want anything from him.  It's all confusing and frustrating. 

We have attorney fees and likely retroactive child support that would totally wipe out our savings on which we're living.  We'd gladly take his daughter in and give her a good life and take care of her needs, without having to fork out nonsensical amounts of money concocted by the State (we home school and buy organic food and decent clothes for our children and take them on birthday trips and such and still do not spend on them what the State's stupid charts show what should go for a child based on a person's income). 

I've suffered more illness in the past year than many years before combined.  I've recently dealt with asthma symptoms, which I hope are temporary, probably because of the mold exposure (which is all gone now, and my coughing has improved). 

I've struggled with my sin weaknesses more this year, because of all the stress.

I could go on and on about the hardships and stressful trials this year has provided, but I haven't even touched on the trials my beloved brethren in God's family have also experienced this year.

When you add the burdens my beloved family members of God are experiencing to my list, it becomes nearly unbearable! 

Paul told the Galatians:  Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ (Gal. 6:2).

He told the Romans:  We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves (Rom. 15:1).

I have struggled to even keep up a good prayer and bible study life over these last several months, though it's what I need most.  I've struggled with pleading for help from my Holy Father for those brethren I love so much, when I've felt as if I'm being drowned in a bog with my own problems.  Some days I don't even have words!  I just cry to Father, and I feel like such a failure and wretch compared to his perfect Firstborn, my Lord Salvation. 

A wave of realization knocked me down mentally when the Spirit replied, "He bore the whole world's burdens."  Ohhhhh.....

I can't imagine how my Lord felt that night before his crucifixion.  I can't imagine knowing I was about to die to bear the burdens of every single person who would repent of their worldy ways and walk in Spirit and Truth.  And even today he bears our various burdens as High Priest.  He makes intercession for us with Father.  When we can't even come up with the words for our problems and those of the ones we love, the Spirit of Truth within us that is connected to all those holy on earth and Father and Salvation in heaven, speaks on our behalf:

Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered (Rom. 8:26).


There is a peace in knowing that all sufferings are temporary, and there is the promise of the Kingdom of God and eternity in God's family--eternal rest from evil and the burdens it brings.  All is asked of us is to keep God's commandments and keep the testimony of our Savior Salvation (Christ Jesus/Messiah Yeshua). 

Come unto me, all you that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and you shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light (Matt. 11:28-30).

I will get through it all, whatever trials and sufferings I experience in my life, for I look forward to the time of rest, the time of eternal peace and joy in God's Kingdom, in my Father's Royal Family.  And I will continue to uplift my beloved brethren in prayer, as they continue to do the same for me.  So one day we shall all be together with our Lord:

For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord. Wherefore comfort one another with these words (I Thess. 4:16-18).